Today was rather rough.
I did wake up happy. Ish. I went to bed sad. The homesickness hit me badly last night. After I finished yesterday’s post, I couldn’t sleep. A couple of my very close friends texted me, and I felt a little better, but the result of my feelings and imprudence I slept just a little over 4 hours. I hated myself a bit this morning, but I was determined to make it good.
So one thing I’ve often been anxious about is the use of shared spaces. Although I’m renting a room and have a right to use the kitchen/bathroom/living room, there is a part of me that feels like I am intruding. So I considered it a victory this morning that I came in and had some breakfast at home, well, even HAD breakfast, for a change. I carried the remainder, some pastries, to the busstop and ate as the sun rose in the sky. It was chilly this morning, but it got hotter through the day.
The commute took maybe 15 minutes longer than it should this morning, and I took a wrong turn on the leg that I walked to work, so I was in half an hour later than I wanted to be. I’ve figured that for an 8am start I need a 6am rise, and that means also I must catch a bus at 7am. For a 9am start, I reckon I have to be on the 7.58 bus, maybe. Not sure when rush hour starts exactly, but I’ve certainly caught it twice. And today it was worse because the local RER line was disrupted. My boss has to pick up the lady who came in to train some of our colleagues today from the train station. Lots of said colleagues were late. The man in charge of IT had to take a taxi. I passed a rail replacement shuttle. It was bad.
Work was good though. I feel more on my feet. I dressed down, compared to yesterday’s apprehensive shirt and suit – in a red jumper, jeans, citrine pendant, cream Penelope’s Child scarf. Colour, not monochrome and pounamu patu-shaped earrings. I did some self-study training today, and restocked our stationery cupboards. I met more colleagues. I had a lovely Chinese for lunch, recommended by my boss. I made two other Post-It notes, but, you know what? That’s ok. I spoke to two Russian-speakers. I learnt how to make a hot chocolate. Two shots of espresso actually kept me awake. We finally connected my work phone to the Internet. I had a great time.
I got out of work at 18.30, an hour and a half after my boss, and I started wandering in the direction of home, and entered, on a whim, a book and stationery shop, Le Funambule. After watching Edmond, I wondered if I could get my hands on a copy of Cyrano, in the original French. I did, for a very beautiful 1,90€. I also got some envelopes, so now I can write home. I promised my colleagues at the Oxford college I worked at this summer I’d send a postcard, and I have a few friends who said they’d write to me. The envelopes are a creamy paper, and lined. Admittedly, they aren’t cheap envelopes, but neither is the writing paper I have, and they should complement each other well. I’ll have to get stamps tomorrow.
I thought about the college kitchen I worked in today. I got real joy from just restocking the sugar in the kitchenette on our floor. I miss everyone there, but I think I’m going to have a wonderful time here.
I reopened my copy of Machiavelli’s The Prince today at lunch, too. As for music, some of Panic! at the Disco’s AFYCSO and We The Kings’ Check Yes, Juliet got me through the commute, as I still have no data on my phone and listen to downloaded music. Other off-the-beaten-tracks were Jarlath Henderson’s Hearts Broken, Heads Turned, and Stornoway’s new album Dig the Mountain! Stornoway is the key to calm, because no band speaks so much of home to me. My favourite tracks from the album so far have got to be Anwen and Excelsior, one about the frontman’s daughter’s dancing, and the second being about ash dieback. I need to listen to the album more closely, really, and maybe I’ll make a review of it. I am absolutely gutted not to be able to see them on tour this year, since they’ve only just got back together after 6 years. I did see their Unplucked performance at the Bullingdon – one of the most beautiful nights of my life. For anyone interested in going to see them (and you should – they are wonderful), get your tickets here. I wish I could say I’m sponsored by them, but no – I’m just a diehard fan. My mother sent me a photo of a parcel I just received in Oxford – a vinyl, she says. I squealed inside, and asked her to please send me a photo of the contents.
I came home, and was lovingly greeted by my landlady’s dog. I wrote most of this post on the bus home, and I’m finishing it on my bed, my room looking more furnished, feeling happy, feeling more secure.
So, actually, the today started rather rough. It ends rather lovely.
Oh, and my advice for today?
If you take the right attitude, even something that seems disastrous can go really, very, quite well.
Keep drinking water, eating well, sleeping well, and exercising, and spending time with friends and family, at least, so you have a good base. And keep doing things that make you smile.
You deserve to exist and be happy.
At Least Afloat 