At Least Afloat

Paris. I stopped writing just before my Almost-Fatal Visa Problem struck.

So, let’s recap the months.

In December, I got back to Paris after my trip to Edinburgh and Glasgow, I helped organise the office teambuilding/Christmas party, and then Mum and Dad picked me up to take me to Tignes for a bit, for some skiing. It was my first time on the slopes in 11 years, and no, I could no longer do the red runs with as much confidence.

Having got back from this, and a few days in Oxford for Christmas proper, disaster struck:

On the 29th, I was due to have a meeting with my boss and the Country Manager about my visa situation, since I hadn’t heard back from the Préfécture. I actually thought I might be OK on my 90 days right to stay, especially with all the back and forth I’d done with weekend trips and Christmas. Reader, I was wrong. I had forgotten the 11 days I’d spent in Europe in August. I had to leave, or risk illegal-aliency.

It was very lucky that I had tickets to get home for New Year’s, in any case. So, off I went to CDG.

5 weeks later and £1K richer from going back to my summer job (in the bleak midwinter), with a shiny sticker plastered on my passport saying I could stay and work, I was back.

We are now in February, in which I decided to cut the friendship of the man I had thought I loved, and had to come to terms with some rather horrible truths about myself. I was due to meet him in March, in Belgium, which never happened. I went to Brussels and enjoyed it as a woman free of any romantic ties. I bought myself a ring, and promised I’d never put myself down again.

Well, later that month, and in April, this was solidified. I broke that promise. I was set up, with the best of intentions, with a gentleman I cannot say I 100% wanted to be with, and he was hoping to settle down. I was coming to the end of my job, frantically looking for another one to make up the remaining weeks I needed to complete my Year Abroad residence requirement, and a relationship was not my priority. I did make compromises, but where I couldn’t (and I already felt more than stressed out), I responded badly.

Reader, I didn’t marry him, and we parted, with a huge amount of guilt on my side. However, I’ve learnt my lesson – Never 10o% involve yourself with anyone you’re not 100% sure of.

Well, I found a job, when I came home, having broken up, and I jumped on it. I started this new job on the 29th April.

It was literally a case of “You’re hired!” at The Interview, which, it turns out, is a case of if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.

Well, the boss was disorganised, and blamed it on his employees when things went wrong (which they did, not infrequently). And who, might you ask, were his employees? Two interns, of which I was one, and one part-time accountant-cum-HR-person (who almost never answered our texts). We were asked to do things outside of our contracts, and were frequently paid late, and addressed in an inappropriate manner.

It was an operation very much on the windy side of the law.

I was writing frantic emails to uni. I tried to get another internship, but managed to annoy the employer with my exasperation at his administrative incompetence (so that fell through). I should have got the Inspection de travail involved.

Well, I didn’t. I was told I only needed to do 9 weeks. I finished those, and left.

It should be said that there were some nice moments in all of this. I went to the theatre a lot. I went to church occasionally. I made some friends. My second landlady, my cousin’s mother-in-law, was truly lovely and we got on famously. I spent more time with my cousins. I saw sites. I did some modelling. I did have a wholesome final farewell with my ex-boyfriend. I went out on dates with interesting people. I thought I realised I’d been in love with another friend all along, and I wrote him the most beautiful emails in the English language.

Boy, was I glad it was over.

I came home, I resumed my summer job, got rejected by the friend I had written the emails to, who had admitted his feelings to me and had kept me in an on-and-off situationship for a year. That dealt me a vast blow.

To counteract it, and because of an incredible combination of other factors coming together, not least the support of my friends, I adapted a play. Within a week. I adapted Rostand’s Cyrano de Bergerac, and directed it, sang in it, and acted in it. We held rehearsals and put it all together in three weeks. Lag in advertising comsidered, we had very good audiences for the first three performances, and it sold out on the last night.

And that proved to me, for once and for all, that, if I really want to, I can do anything. With love – and there really was a lot of that in this play, with the camaraderie of all the company – I can do anything. And love doesn’t just have to be the romantic kind. In fact, in my own personal case, it’s probably best it’s not.

If I achieved anything I’m truly proud of, though, it was the friendships forged in this play. Everyone came out with such incredible ties, and everyone is looking forward to the next play. I feel capable, and wanted, and that’s not something I’ve felt very often, or as strongly, in my life, before now.

Which is more, my grandmother and my father have given their blessings to this career. I can’t think of anything I’d want to do more with the rest of my life, than to put on plays that make people think, that allow all of my actors to sparkle, and that inspire and warm all those involved. I wanted to be a doctor, to heal people’s bodies – I would consider my life better lived if I could heal people’s souls.

Anyway, all of that ended, I am now in Edinburgh, in my second term as Treasurer for my theatre society, frantically working on my Long Essay Linguistics project (put very much to the side), and enjoying the company of my friends. My housemates and I secured a lovely house, but, it being close to the ring road, I shall have to get a bike to commute into town.

It must be admitted that I probably need to look to my finances better at the moment, but eventually first month at uni will be expensive, if you’re living away from home. You have to restock and restart, but once you do, you hopefully shan’t need to again that year. That said, I have also been having some fun going to concerts and the like. I went to hear The Gesualdo Six at the Lammermuir Festival, twice, which has let me explore parts of Lothian I previously hadn’t seen. This may be my new favourite musical group for the time being, although I’ve also been listening to a lot of Baroque strings due to Cyrano, and a fair bit of Fleetwood Mac because of my actors.

Sleep is something I also feel I have let go of, but we have time enough to sort that before it becomes a real problem. The important thing is to catch issues quickly, and to fix them. There are no excuses, only bad administrative decisions, as I told a friend of mine.

I can do this, and whoever you are, fresher, restarting student, or “real adult” (and, let’s face it, no one really is), you can do this, too.