At Least Afloat

Let’s start from where I had the fright of my life this morning on the bus.

So, let me tell you something about Paris buses – unlike in the UK, you don’t have to pass the driver to get on. There are doors in the middle, and at the back. They hope that you come in and either put your ticket through a machine inside, or scan your Navigo pass (like a Paris Oyster card). They rely on your honesty. It is really easy to steal a ride.

I’m not saying I stole a ride – apparently it is a crime to buy four. On the bus itself. Not from the train station – you can buy whole, very legal booklets there.

I bought 4 tickets from the bus driver this morning, thinking, this saves me in the case that I can’t, because there have been awkward moments where I try and buy a ticket, and the driver has no more. They are these little pieces of card that, like I say, you have to put through a machine. Not like the weird receipty things we have in the UK.

So, in order to distinguish the ticket I had just used for that trip from the other 3, I ripped it. And little did I know that an inspectress would come and ask, Where is your ticket?

Well, I produced it. She asked, Why is it ripped? I said, I put it through the machine – I did it to distinguish it from 3 others. She said, I’m going to have to fine you 50 euros, because this is not allowed.

I was terrified. I thought, what a stupid mistake (and what gives them the right?). She and another inspectress went to the bus driver, as I take out my foreign debit card, and then they told me to put it away – they wouldn’t charge me. He shouldn’t have sold me those tickets. I can’t use them, in any case. They are only valid on this bus. I managed to get a refund from the driver for 2. He said to use the other one. Clearly he didn’t get the memo. I told one of the inspectresses, who said she would speak to him.

I walked to work, and nearly cried. So it goes. The early bus didn’t arrive that morning, the bus driver gave me the wrong information, those ladies were terrifying, had they not contested this I would have lost nearly 50 quid, and I was doing all of this, like a numpty, on an empty stomach and 5 hours sleep.

A bakery stop was mandatory, and I got into work for a 9.15 start. I didn’t miss the postman. By the way, he was glad to hear my foot was much better – I slathered it in arnica cream before going to bed, and woke up fine.

Today is also the first day I wore lipstick to work. My outfit was rather dramatic, being black, green and red, Clan Gunn tartan, greenstone patu earrings, and a garnet ring, and so natural lips didn’t really do. Consider it my preparation towards Halloween. Consider it also my dressing the part for my work in the dungeon, ahem, basement.

I continued with the Great Basement Tidying today, trying to ignore my overactive imagination that had clearly been fed one crime thriller too many, partly by keeping pop-punk blasting through my earphones. I put up a sign on my office door to say where I was in case people needed me. And just as well, as the man who waters our office plants came in today before lunch.

Lunch was at a restaurant, an arrangement by a colleague I haven’t met before she waltzed into my life like a breath of spring today, and, dare I say, she has a divine way of shortening her name. I may have had one of the best carrot cakes I’ve ever had today – It was buttery without being heavy, light, held together with chantilly, quite fruity, served on a fine crème anglaise, with just a line of proper caramel, the one you spend a while watching on the stove – bref, c’était ce qu’il me fallait. A main and dessert cost 15,90 euros, which was pretty good. Fancy for a work day, but not out to break the bank. It was a nice, community affair.

The basement is now covered in rainbows of folders and paper. Where I could, I put the colours in order. I had to keep active or fall asleep, as I was nodding off whilst my laptop had software installed on it remotely. I made it to 7 hours. I came home, and booked a flight back to Paris from London, because I am going home very, very soon.

So, friends, my advice for today:

1. Transport systems are different abroad. Assume nothing. Read – and if you don’t read, ask a local. My DMs are always open (on @atleast.afloat on Instagram, or find my page on Facebook).
2. Don’t be a lemon – if someone says they are fining you, is going to take you away (from a different experience that happened to someone I knew) et caetera – in short, is acting as an authority and you are not sure, you have the right to ask to see some ID. They could well be someone else. They might not be, but it’s worth checking, if they seem unreasonable in their demands (in the sense of suspicious).
3. Sleep, sleep, sleep, and sleep!
4. Book the Eurostar or flights well in advance. I am not joking – a mere fortnight can be the difference between 30 quid and 100.

Love you all ❤