Today started off well. The bus journey was short, we managed to miss the rush hour traffic. I got into work very much on time, having grabbed just about the chocolatiest version of a pain viennois (called a demi-cacao) I’ve ever had. Monday is a ghost day – quite a few businesses are not open, and I have yet to find out why.
Having quietly had breakfast in the workplace main kitchen, I got into the office. And then procrastination hit me.
I didn’t really want to do anything, like training, whilst I was waiting for the postman. Heck, I’m not even sure I wanted to be there. I think I was one of the first to get in and it was really quiet.
Still, I tried to get on with stuff. The postman came, with several letters. Then today’s drama started. One of the addressees was on holiday (and their letter was marked “URGENT”), another was on a business trip, and the third had a letter that was sent to their home address redirected back to the office, because apparently it was the wrong address. It wasn’t, as it turned out, it was just incomplete.
I met another colleague today, who recently got promoted. He’s very nice. He did unsolicitedly come into my office to talk about tea, though, which is a bit odd. I’ll be honest, I’m not that very much of a tea person, or a coffee person. If they are something special, by all means. Not every day, though. I’ll stick to herbal infusions and water. Not very British of me, but then, I’m not in fact very British. I am Russian, Tatar, Indian, and then British. And then I realise, writing that, that all those cultures are big on tea. I reject this important tradition! And this is how my coming-of-age adventure novel starts…
Anyway, work. So I figured out today 2 things:
- It is a pain to be So Responsible that even lunch break isn’t sacred.
- I now understand the obsession with good spreadsheets.
For the first point, I had to be interrupted in the middle of my break because we had a delivery and a collection, and the Office Management usually hosts these kinds of things, and certainly, certainly, has to record it in the Visitor Log. Fortunately, their visit was quick. I had time to get back to lunch, eat my thoroughly delicious flan, and talk to my colleagues about navigating Paris (apparently City Maps (?) is something to look into).
The second point is about today’s cardinal headache.
One of the things my boss set me to do before she left was to help our accountant put Asset Numbers on our inventory of IT equipment.
There is the Accountant’s spreadsheet (/version of events), and the OM spreadsheet (/version of events).
These two spreadsheets(/versions of events) do not coincide. A category merge is too risky. I had to spend hours searching up items individually, and even then, either
- They didn’t exist in one of the spreadsheets
- Or they were duplicates
- Or the names of the items didn’t match the serial numbers in one of the sheets
There were also spelling mistakes. It was a nightmare. I have newfound respect for people working in administration. I fortunately managed to exhaust the sheets of possible solutions. Id est, I got as finished with those spreadsheets as I ever will be with them in their current states. I sent my work to the accountant.
I think today has been two fights internally – the one between the version of me that’s saying all is going well, and the other that has concluded that catching herself doing her best to avoid the cracks in the pavement this morning (I mean lines) and overthinking stuff and being unmotivated and feeling generally a bit under the weather (not that the actual weather helped) suggests that someone needs to get her trainers on again. A morning jog honestly did wonders for my mood and anxious traits. I don’t think I’ll be able to go out running tomorrow morning, but I may be able to do so tomorrow evening. Maybe you’ll find my tone changes.
“Il pleut, il fait un temps du diable …” – Don Bazile, Le Barbier de Séville, Act IV, Beaumarchais
This evening, I joined a call with a group I’ve been doing some work with for some time. We’re a mental health youth advisory group. The university that organises our meet-ups did a study during lockdown on a peer-support course we signed up to, and here we are, 3 years later, helping with different studies. It’s great fun, and also a fair way to earn coffee money on the side. The subject at the moment is research into a game that’s supposed to help young people who have experienced adverse childhood conditions. This is always incredibly tricky. This concept raises so many ethical questions, and then if you go ahead with it, the question then lies in what you put in, and what you keep out. ‘Cos you could help people deal with their trauma with essentially re-exposing them to it in a different context, for instance, but that could also be horrible for them. We were talking about a potential game that dealt with financial instability, and I said “Stop right there,” essentially, because the fear of not being able to pay the rent, even from my position, which I recognise is more privileged than most, the realisation you have to really tighten your belt, the question of where on EARTH you are going to get the funds, when you are doing it alone, or trying to, is a situation of terror. I can only imagine how much worse it is for people who genuinely can’t get the help I could. A game where you start deciding what of your property you can sell off without it being a real problem, say, can induce real feelings of panic. (DISCLAIMER: I was in a financially unstable place last year renting in Edinburgh. This is no longer the case – I am very much living within my means in Paris. I’m fine. The rent doesn’t worry me at all. I figured out my budget in advance. Please don’t worry about me at the moment.)
It was a good discussion though. We will discuss that item another time. The game, as I’ve got to sample it, seems good, not that I ever really have been a gamer. I have some criticisms. I will get back to the researchers on that. Sometimes it really feels like academics don’t have the full picture, for all their brains and inspiration. And I guess that’s why the Advisory Group exists, for them to bounce their ideas off, and for us to give ours. It feels empowering that our voices want to be heard by clever grown-ups that have the power to change something. We get a part in that change.
Anyway, I’m up to late, and hardly thinking straight, as it goes in the Long-Distance Lullaby. No, I don’t have any such soulmate to say good night to, but I have friends and family, and goodness how I miss them.
Oh, and my advice for today?
Indulge sadness, but do not overindulge sadness.
That means if you have to listen to I Brought You My B*llets, you have my permission. Just don’t go on an MCR binge. Or maybe do, but notice when enough is enough.
Try and look at the good things.
You got that homework done? Great! You were early to an appointment you’re usually late to? Also fantastic! A friend you hadn’t hear from in ages texted you? There’s a smile on your face now, even if just a small one.
Come back to the activities that make you who you are. That is the best grounding there is.
In my case that is writing and drawing, or acting out small stretches of Cyrano de Bergerac to myself in the mirror (step aside, Carey Mulligan).
All my love ❤
At Least Afloat 